i still love it. no doubt. but there's fear now. i finally understand, ADC. but i accept life. i find my joys ^-^. im not making sense. but what is sense?
Entry @ 9:30 PM;
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
here's another dream i had..haha only this time it actually involved people i know and they were who they were..it's quite a complicated thing..but anyway this is probably due to my overactive imagination so if anything seems strange or very inaccuarate please pardon moi cuz after all it's just a dream hehe oh and names have been changed to protect the innocent (namely me hehe ^-^) remember IT'S JUST A DREAM. haha so here it is.
Another day, another country saved from annihilation, another day's work done.
It was nearing the end of our shift at the space base and I must say I couldn't be happier. The last month was filled with near death experiences, equippment malfunction and other mishaps that Nikki has been buried in paperwork, filing all the reports.
As I stood at the bridge, looking into the vastness of space and wondered why we were the privileged few to helm the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) programme. Just 10 of us, chosen at random? But even so that didn't matter to me. What did was that I loved my job, not just the thrill aspect, not the prestige but knowing that people up here makes the world a safer place for future generations to live in and that in itself is the best satisfaction. Besides, no one else other than the 10 of us and our superiors knew about it.
Only five people were needed in space at a time monitoring the systems so the team was split into two, Alpha and Omega, taking shifts of 2-3months at a time and while on earth, the team would help out with the Anti-Ballistic Missile (ABM) system.
Feeling tired, I headed to my cabin to catch forty-winks but that was rudely abrupted by the resounding wail of the red alert signal, affectionately known as 'Red'.
"Another ruthless dictator I bet, bent on world domination." That was Cavin. Always with the wit and sarcasm.
We waited for Kate who was on duty to give us the low-down.
"Missile's fired from Istalain and it's headed for the southern tip of Edel. MRBM. We have approximately 5mins till it reaches the target."
5mins was a considerably large amount of time on our hands. But of course the faster we could get rid of the missile the better. And so I keyed in the required commands to enable the lasers and to lock them on the missile.
"Do you know what you are doing?" Questioned Jake, our numero uno. He graduated top of the class in astronaut school and aced his SDI training. In all our eyes and everyone else's he was THE top dog.
"Yes, I've just about stopped it."
But somehow, he refused to listen and overwrited my commands.
"THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!" He shouted in my face, then whipping out a weird contraption he fired something at me.
"WHAT THE ---- Man are you CRAZY?" It was Cavin's turn to shout.
But Jake paid no attention, concentrating only on the screen in front of him. The missile had increased in it's speed and was about to hit the target. But the laser was fired just in time. Then I blacked out.
Opening my eyes, I saw Cavin trying to understand the medical chart on the wall. Apparently, after shooting the freeze gun at me, Jake went on a rampage around the base, freezing almost everything he saw. After the gun ran out of power, he hopped onto an emergency pod and left for earth.
"Do you think all this has to do with the gamma ray incident?" I asked
"I don't know. He said he felt alright."
"Physically yes. But what about mentally?"
Cavin didn't answer that. For no one really knew the kinds of effects gamma rays had on people. And I refused to believe he wanted to hurt me on purpose. It being almost our last day in space, I wasn't keen on pursuing the matter either. I just wanted to get back on solid ground.
After a few days of rest, we headed to the ABM base to say hi to the people there and schedule in our 'land' duty for the months ahead. On the way out, we walked past a noticeboard and my eye caught a little red and white notice in the bottom left corner.
"It's a note by Jake!" Despite the fact that he almost killed me, Jake was still my colleague and I wanted to know how he was doing.
Yet in classic Jake style, the note was in the form of a riddle. Then it hit me. Jake was tired of the weight on his shoulders. It had never been a problem but I believed that the gamma rays altered his mental state quite badly. He was going to commit suicide.
"It's not fair to his wife! She deserves to know!" Nikki exclaimed.
But I shook my head.
"I think he's going to make them die together."
We walked into a room which displays the same screen we have in space and a coventional missile was on its way to Jake's house.
"I can't look. I don't want to have anything to do with this." With that, I walked down the stairs which lead us to the main road. The rest followed suit.
"We should have done something!" Nikki cried.
"But there's nothing we can do, it's too late."
"What now?" Cavin asked and as if on cue one of our superiors walked down the stairs as well.
"Remember to file in the reports with HQ."
We waved goodbye to him and carried on our way.
"So what do you think's going to happen when they find out the top kid's gone?" Cavin continued as if the earlier conversation hadn't been interrupted.
"That's life." I said.
©
Entry @ 9:41 PM;
Sunday, January 29, 2006
haha this was a dream i had last night. I added in names to make it more realistic. Haha but it's very much a day-time soap..Bewarned...
"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window"
"That's sounds good!" chirpped Gladis.
I smiled. Gladis always knew what to say to make me feel better. It was indeed raining. I used to cry everytime it rained, but not anymore. Not after our mother died. She wasn't our real mother but she loved us just the same.
"Look the sky's clearing up! Come on, Chrissy is waiting for us."
When we reached the auto-shop, Chrissy was already hard at work. Chrissy was our other "sister". She's a little older than us so now she kind of has to takeover caring for both of us and the shop.
I got down to work, giving a couple of old cars a new coat of paint. It was my favourite job to do. It always made me happy to see an old life given a new exuberance. Then he walked in.
"Hi. Is this Jenny B's Auto?"
The voice belonged to a tall man with defined features. He looked our age.
"Yes it is." Chrissy replied, paying more attention to the car she was fixing.
"Well, may I speak with Jenny then? See I heard she's the best in the area and I need someone to fix my car. Money's not an issue."
Chrissy dropped her tools and stood up to look at the man.
"Well sir, if you think money can bring back the dead then by all means throw your money on the table and see if our mum appears."
Chrissy didn't mean to snap at him. I know she didn't. It's just that she had developed a cynical view of men after having been hurt so many times. She devotes herself to cars now.
"Oh. I see. I'm really sorry."
Chrissy was about to retort but Gladis stepped in. She always more of a people person.
"Don't worry about it sir. Though our mother's not around anymore, the three of us have inherited her skills in the art of car fixing and we guarantee that there's no better auto-shop around. Why not let my younger sister and I tell you more over a cup of coffee?"
And that was the beginning. It turns out his name is Louis. He's family in some kind of business. But for now, he's just a budding singer/songwriter, like me.
His car was in a pretty bad shape. He said he found it in a scrap yard and saw some potential. It would take us awhile to fix it though. He hit it off pretty well with Gladis.
I left the two of them alone, I had too. And made my way down to the local hospital. It was an annual checkup to make sure my leg's okay. Jenny used to tell me my limp made me look cute.
I got home to a frantic Gladis.
"I'msostupid I'msostupid I'msostupid! You got to help me!"
She told Louis that she write. But she doesn't. And for a first date they've agreed to play an original piece of their own.
"So just teach me something please?"
Of course I would. Chrissy and Gladis are my only family. Their happiness means more to me than anything else.
I passed her one of my older compositions. She came back from the date glowing. I smiled too.
A few days later, Gladis could be heard shrieking again. She got the chicken pox from the kids next door.
"Now how am I going to go out with Louis. He's already waiting! You'll have to go in my place."
So I went. And told Louis about my sister's condition. He laughed and said he would visit later. The movie was nice. Then we bought ice-cream and sat in the park. He said he heard from my sister that I love ice-cream. I really do.
"So your sister tells me you sing and write as well?"
I smiled and nodded. We talked about musical influences and some other stuff.
"Hey, sing me something."
I didn't want to but after some persuasion I did.
"Woah. Both Gladis and you have great voices! And the lyrics were brilliant! Did you write it?"
I did. But instinct told me to say Gladis wrote it. For him.
He smiled. I smiled back.
On Gladis's behalf, I went out with him a few more times until she got well. Sang him songs on her behalf as well.
And seeing the both of them so happy made me really happy.
Soon, we were done with Louis's car. Initially he wanted it blue. But Gladis has always like red cars. So I repainted it.
"Hey thanks for everything! Maybe we can hang out again sometime."
Gladis was already seated in the passenger's seat.
They waved to me as they drove out of the shop. For awhile I just stood there, watching the sand settle.
"You like him don't you?" Chrissy walked in, wiping her wrench.
I smiled. It didn't matter whether I did or not. He and Gladis are so happy together and that's all that really matters. I couldn't compare to Gladis in so many ways.
That night, Gladis didn't come home. We received a call from the hospital. A drunk driver collided with their car. She died.
Louis had superficial wounds.
After the funeral, I spent most of my time either at the shop or at home. Louis felt responsible. He sent many things to make up for it. Chrissy turned them away.
He tried to talk to me. But I wouldn't listen. I was too sad. Chrissy chased him out.
But one day Chrissy went out. I didn't have the energy to chase him away.
"Please understand. I never meant for any of this to happen. You don't know how much Gladis meant to me as well."
I looked away.
"Then do you know how much Gladis means to me, to us? You will always be able to find another girlfriend. But can you get me another sister? A sister who you've spent your entire life with, a sister who knows you better than yourself, CAN YOU? CAN YOU?
I collapsed against him. I was so tired. For awhile the only feeling I felt the warmth of my tears.
Though Chrissy didn't like it, I kept in touch with him. He would visit occasionally to see if we were doing alright.
I passed out in the auto-shop one day. Thee neighbours told me Chrissy drove like a madman to the hospital. The doctors were very hush-hush about it. I wasn't keen in finding out anyway.
Turns out it was a brain tumour. Inoperable. But that didn't bother me. I was worried about Chrissy, the shop. I made her promise me that she would marry.
Louis came to visit. Brought his guitar everytime.
Chrissy called me to tell me how he found out. She needed help packing my belongings.
He was in my room and stumbled upon the compositions on my computer. Chrissy said she's never seen a man run that fast.
But he wasn't going to make it in time. I saw his figure coming in the room. I smiled. And as I felt his arms around me, I closed my eyes for the last time.
©
Entry @ 10:28 AM;
Saturday, January 28, 2006
c'est la vie ^-^
haha didnt get in..oh well hehe..that's life and im sure life works in mysterious ways so as i told the angels when one door closes another opens ^-^
i mean i won't say im not disappointed but hey this is part n parcel of my destiny (haha wa im making it sound so nice hehe)
haha so as my mum says (she read this somewhere of course) "Our lives are pretty much predestined.. The only way we can change our fate for the better is if we do good (i.e. charity etc)" haha so whose to argue w/ destiny?hehe i'll juz try my best to do good and i know tmr will be a better day ^-^
Entry @ 6:20 PM;
Monday, January 16, 2006
haha saw a poster in a shop today with the title
Living in a Grateful Worldgoes something like this
Be grateful to those who have hurt or harmed you,
For they have reinforced your determination.
Be grateful to those who have deceived you,
For they have deepened your insight.
Be grateful to those who have hit you,
For they have reduced your obstacles.
Be grateful to those who have abandoned you
For they have taught you to be independent.
Be grateful to those who have made you stumble,
For they have strengthened your ability.
Be grateful to those who have denouced you,
For they have increased your wisdom and concentration.
and at the end it says:
Be grateful to those who have made you frim and and resolute and helped in your achievementshaha ^-^
Entry @ 10:47 PM;
Sunday, January 15, 2006
i like laughing ^-^
esp out loud,really hard hehe
it's juz one of those things that keep you smiling for the rest of the day no matter what..
haha so this post is a tribute to everyone and anyone who made/makes me laugh..hehe THANKS ^-^
Entry @ 10:48 PM;
Friday, January 13, 2006