let me feel alive
plodding through
not knowing life
let me feel alive
each day seems fake
laughs, tears and sighs
let me feel alive
everything's a dream
prisoner of my mind
let me feel alive
what is this for
where do i draw the line
let me feel alive
help me with reality
seems farfetched to me
rushed through tdy..felt as though everything was a big blur..i nd 2 appreciate moments more..im gonna take lots of pics..then plaster them somewhere to remind myself 2 count my fortunes..yup..will start off with 6th Aug...
Entry @ 8:53 PM;
Thursday, July 29, 2004
unfamiliar animosity
cruelness the eye cant see
selfishness runs amok
pretence in talk
beware of silence
she kills the best
the bark and bite
are put to the test
guilty conscience
conflicting sides
see the sunshine
how it hides
it sees a monster
brutality in height
evil it screams
felt a darkness within
fear the one who's not distinct
ok..i knw this poem is kinda dark..i was wondering..philosophers have been pondering whether humans r born innately good or innately evil..Confucious said 'Ren Zi Chu, Xing Ben Shan' but many other modern day thinkers feel otherwise..well i think we're born empty..like a shell..then our parents try 2 give us imput..teach us morals and values..our surroundings shape us..and ultimately we become who we are..but if you think back..who gave our ancestors their set of morals?this is giving me a headache..i think i'll go back to studying my chemistry nw..
Oh btw this is a really nice quote, can't remember where i read it b4 though, kinda food 4 thought...
Why live for tommorrow, when you can live in today?
hehe..nv thought of that rite...
Entry @ 10:08 PM;
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
running amok
through my head
this dreariness
is better of dead
nothing will change
what's past is past
one needs the ability
to swim out fast
time wasted by it
tear filled linen
emotions nonexistant
no more driven
purpose removed
soul dissipitated
crushed is the belief
i am berated
sounds and sights
cant comprehend
vulgar inferences
make me a fiend
pure is fantasy
white is unture
scratched by reality
an ink stained blue
Entry @ 9:52 PM;
Friday, July 23, 2004
Dreams
Escapism
Opposition to reality
Places
Euphoria
Inability to see it
Sunshine
Rainfall
Just part of the cycle
Yesterday
Tomorrow
Demean the present
Vicious
Adolescence
Tainted innocence
Faces
Mirrors
Illusions of perfection
Shut up
Listen
The sound of ignorance
Didnt knw y i wrote this..i juz had 2..it felt right..anyway,my mum's been crapping at me 2 study but as usual i like 2 defy authority..nth personal mum..juz dun like 2 study 4 the sake of studying (even though it'll eventually come 2 that)..i'll study when i want 2..
dunno what's wrng..didnt say much tdy..even wif khakis..so weird..mebbe sth's bothering..oh well..hope everthing's well..
shall tok abt the chishlom band..they were awesome..n they got a couple of cuties 2..specifically the drummer n the xylophonist..the drummer's cute..but i still prefer the xylophonist..like the floppy hair n laid-back look..
which reminds me of a dream i had ytd..weird..but funny..they say when u have dreams that make no sense, it means ur searching 4 an ans..but what cld i possibly b searching 4?oh well..sometimes things r best left unanswered..adds interest 2 our otherwise boring lives rite...
Entry @ 3:06 PM;
Sunday, July 18, 2004
used 2 b confused
why it's this way
is this sadism
or sth that's craved
the sun radiates
nds 2 knw it's worth
sees it in the moon
yet not frm the earth
the moon is a mystery
having only seen one side
one half always in darkness
is there sth 2 hide
yet the sun gets great joy
in seeing it's work
no matter the distance
as it can nv get hurt
nobdy knws what fusion's like
yet fusion is in me
kps my soul alive
but the moon
juz gazes frm afar
not knwing the source
is a powerful star
haha..sliver jub is finally over..it was a great day..memories will last 4eva (i knw that sounds lame) (unless i get dementia,amnesia or some other memory related disease)..washed my hair 4 times ytd though (twice in sch,twice at hm)..my performance was ok (considering the fact that my mic died) hehe..but it was lots of fun..ate lots of junk food..got smashed (haha..nw i knw there r lots more sadistic ppl out there) ..ohh n the haunted hse was fun..i muz admit i was intimidated but cuz i knew that these ppl were my peers,i was more entertained than scared..hehe..1 thing i will always remember is hw everyone gave their 101% 2 hlp out,some stayed at the stalls 4 almost the entire day n even though they had the chance 2 leave,they didnt..although this sounds corny,im really touched at the level of committment..my class is made up of a bunch of ppl really crazy ppl,but that's what makes us special..there maybe ppl who disagree..but i think in terms of fun..we probably one of the classes which had the most..despite the wacked weather..many enjoyed our sadistic game (hehe..including me)..was so tired out that i didnt go out 4 dinner..went hm n stoned in frnt of the tv b4 falling aslp at abt 9..haiz..
n nw it's back 2 everyday sch life..
Entry @ 10:00 PM;
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Nice songs ^-^
Everybody's Fool -
Evanescence
Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled
Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask where will you hide?
Can't find yourself, lost in your lie
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
Somehow you've got everybody fooled
It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool
Vindicated -
Dashboard Confessional
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
{Chorus}
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
{Chorus}
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)
{Chorus}
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
Entry @ 3:36 PM;
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
fear seeps my soul
experiences i hold
cant escape it's grasp
not wanting another goal
it reeks of stupidity
time better spent
then pondering over nothing
unless the other relents
hardened by time
strengthened by pain
no sense in pursuing
something in vain
what i want is never mine
so limit myself to me
things done with just two hands
at least there's security
dont deny it's a dream
but it all comes up empty
stop before there's no return
for these are aplenty
slowly maybe
but not now
bustling is therapeutical
shant spoil its smile
happy as i am
enough it is
satisfied with simplicity
ignorance is bliss
hehe..got substantial inspiration from a fren..
haha sunday was a fun day.spent it at sentosa.was sadistic though.cuz these sec1 sec2 kids were competiting in a competition amazing race style n i was one of the game masters..tortured them at my station..hehe..made them do stupid things..but kinda surprised at their drive though.didnt knw they actually took the thing so seriously.but im sure it was an great experience 4 them.hope there's more of this kinda thing nxt time..hehe..then can see them suffer..MuAhAhAhAhA (ya i knw im sadistic)..oh ya 1/2 the promise was kept..but im satisfied ^-^ at least an effort was made.it was absolutely tiring but definitely loads of fun.
mon was another day out (which kinda suprises me that i actually got my math hmwrk done).watched spiderman 2.way cool.toby maguire has these really deep,soulful eyes.but in terms of gd looking i think the guy who played his best fren (james franco i think) wins.he has this angsty brooding look going on cuz his best fren killed his dad etc.took my lil bro out.was ok at 1st but apparently he's nt used 2 nt having his way.long story.i was kinda embarressed but it's a gd thing guys dun hold grudges (often).slept so early that i missed Friends.
but it's a gd thing the story was narrated to me (thx chee hian)..haha..joey is funny..he's really vry *duh*..haha..gonna watch it nxt wk..anywayz,nth much happened in sch xcept 4 the fact that a fren of mine stormed out of the class n blamed it on me.but like i said it's a gd things guys seldom bear grudges so ya...
Read this in the Sunday Times: The opposite of love is not hate,it's indifference.
Entry @ 3:49 PM;
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
dun think juz bcuz
u do beta on paper
means ur a beta person
thats crap
all the talk abt equality
of humanity
is obscuring
the gap
we may be ordinary
but there's peace in simplicity
we're not wannabes
nor saps
if you c us as stupid then think again
all you know are facts
they dont teach you to
read maps
u may say NO
you never can despise
but all that talk
are traps
who are you 2 condemn
when you yourself arent holy
undeserving you say, so go take
a nap
maybe in you dreams
u'll find a world that suit your needs
somewhere suppressed within
bubble wrap
got inspiration 4 this frm an article i read in the newspapers quite some time ago.it was abt this gifted sch student dating a neighbourhood one n there was this is online debate abt it..some netizens frm these 'elite' schools feel that the neighbourhood kid is a crow trying to b a phoenix.wad shit analogy is that.they claim that there'll b cultural differences n stuff.wad differences?r they trying 2 say that we wont b able 2 understand 'their world'?n here we r trying 2 promote equality among races n genders when even amoung our youth we haf ppl wif such sucky mentalities.PLS.so wad if u can do better in examinations (note i didnt say cleverer)?does that make u a better person?if it does then screw society.another example was when i went 2 a poly's open hse.im really interested in a course n so i approached the lecturer there 4 more information.she didnt pay much attention 2 my fren n me n juz asked us 2 refer 2 their website but then 2 gals frm a much better sch approached her,she was all smiles n said loads 2 them.sheesh.im nt saying all students frm elite schools r like that.i knw ppl who arent.but it really hurts when u c ppl like that in our world.
oh btw,i dun c hw my bag looks like a plastic bag.ok so it may nt b the nicest bag in the world but no matter hw i c it it still looks decent.i guess it's juz a difference in opinion.hehe..some ppl juz haf poor opinions =P .haha..
tdy was a bz day.had listening in the morn,rehersal till 5,n FHY meeting till 7.then tmr i'll b spending the whole day in sentosa wif FHY for the Amazing Youth Challange.then mon gotta bring lil bro out.sigh..which means tons of hmwrk will b undone..oh well..life's 2 short 2 worry 2 much..
wa..wasted so much of my energy persuading if i dun c i'll peng.dunno whether wad was said was meant..if yes then i'll leave it 2 my imagination but then again we were joking so ya..hmmm..dunno la..aint impt anywayz..
oh ya which reminds me of one of the passages frm tdy's listening compre.the only way 2 happiness is contentment.which is kinda true.so i'll try 2 b contented wif wadever life throws at me.
aft all..if life hands you lemonds,make lemonade ^-^
Entry @ 8:36 PM;
Saturday, July 03, 2004