dilemma
crossroads
choices
difficult
heart
head
torn apart
intelligence vs
compassion
self vs
others
easy
not me
if only
didn't
things
flowed
situation
non-existant
clock
ticking
answer?
no
dunno what crap i was writing above but i juz wrote what words came to mind.kind of an abtract form of poetry.got back my results.mum said i was lazy.guilty as charged.didnt really practice my math.what can i say.if i like the teaching style of the teacher,i do better.go fig.but of course i cant put the blame solely on that.i admit,i m lazy.but i guess it's cuz im nt motivated.don't ask me y though.i haf no freakin idea.nv knew teachers were THAT observant.oh well.i'll try 2 work on it.
note: there's no such thing as a minor crisis.if it's minor,it's no crisis. (dont ask me y i posted this note..juz felt the urge to..hehe..)
Entry @ 12:00 PM;
Friday, May 28, 2004
Uncomfortable
That's an honest statement
People like to hear the truth
Yet it has dire consequences
Inconceivable
That's what things will be
People enjoy peace
Yet harm is caused by silence
Understandable
That's an outsider's view
People comment and agree
Yet they don't know the politics
Irreversible
That's the outcome of war
People suffer ultimately
No matter how big or how small
blogged in tdy cuz i felt i needed 2.indeed war has it's casualties regardless how big or how small it is n it may not be a case where the big boys take their tanks and bombs out.i have a premonition of things 2 come.only time will tell.
Entry @ 6:54 PM;
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Fate. Destiny
Predefined affinity.
Is what we do
What we reap
Or are we under
Someone's feet
There's a reason
For everything
Yet we comprehend
Near to nothing
We learn of faith
Of goodwill
We practice shit
Take guns and kill
Are there pens
In our hands
Or is life according
To someone's plan
If it is
then where is choice
Freewill is robbed
We've lost our voice
But who implements
These ideas in our heads
Are they meant to be there
Or are they thoughts we create
Haiz. Tired. But felt the need to write so i did (hehe). Often pondered upon many silly connotations. Things that don't have an answer. I find them more interesting than things that do. Don't you? I guess it's human nature to be attracted to enigmas. It adds excitement to our otherwise boring and mundane life.
But of course that's just my opinion.
Entry @ 9:41 PM;
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
the birth of the star is upon us
as we gaze into the horizon
utter obliteration is what it does
breaking down even the amazons
by miraculous twists of fate
people have lived through the suffering
and stronger i am
no more sorrow's little underling
Happy Birthday Falling Star
That I Can Gladly Say
Cuz I'm Out Of Your Orbit
Finally
Entry @ 11:08 PM;
Sunday, May 23, 2004
life has been quiet
aint that good
not for me
thrill's my staple food
boredem is my murderer
need my muse
cant find him
inspiration needs to be infused
not living to the fullest
everyday's mundane
beautiful colours
come across as plain
dreams are diluted
by reality
lost in a world
devoid of individuality
depression runs amok
in children
sad to say
lost our gold dubloons
tomorrow is promised
today is dead
yesterday left
bursting my head
what's instore for us
we know no more
enigmatic
that's what living's for
life's juz so meaningless.we wake up each day from the previous hoping that the day will be another day.yes it is,but it's another day like the day before.it's like how the sun sets in the horizon and we expect to see new sun the next day,but it's the same old sun.then u ask,"how do some people wake up each day from the crappy 1 before beaming and perky?" it all boils down to perspective.a parapelegic can smile every morning even though she/he knows that she/he is immobile simply because she/he thinks "hey, at least i'm still a thinking person. there r so many things i cant do, but there r still tons that i can." whereas normal healthy people like us wake up cursing the alarm clock with a frown on our faces saying "bloody hell, i got sch/wrk ltr. hate my bloody teacher/boss. got tons of crap to do. crap." Achilles,a warrior in the movie Troy,said something really meaningful.things appear more beautiful to humans because we die.one day we'll leave this earth and before we do,we want to savour everything before us so that we leave with no regrets.but more often that not,we dont.how many ppl actually take notice of how green grass can be,or how beautiful the sky is on a cool,clear day?but to people with disabilities,these things mean a lot to them.ask a blind man "do you miss the sky?" he will answer yes.ask a deaf man "do you miss the birds?" he will answer yes.humans are such complicated creatures.we r the best of animals yet it takes a huge blow for most of us to realise how much we are taking for granted.
I admit it's hard especially when you're sick and tired of everything (i personally find it tough too), but the next time you think SCHOOL SUCKS!!! feel fortunate that you have the chance to attend sch, that you have the capability to think, that you have the chance to do things that so many others dont.
Entry @ 9:13 PM;
Friday, May 21, 2004
i need an arrow
i need the stars
i need a compass
2 guide me afar
i want 2 travel
i want 2 roam
i want 2 explore
this mind of my own
i wish i could fly
i wish i could dream
i wish i could gilde
over chocolate streams
i hope that someday
i hope that somehow
i hope for a miracle
that will change the world now
if the world could live like
how children live
life would be so much
better
if the world could see
what children see
the world would be much
happier
they see the good in people
they see the sun
even when it rains
they can have fun
they smile at people
regardless of race
they know to love the world
in any place
the children of the human race
wrote this cuz i realised the innocence in children (ok also partly cuz im listening 2 'where is the love') sometimes i cant wait 2 grow but it's times like this i wish i was still an innocent,untainted young girl who everyone codled and cooed at.those were the days where i had been really happy.life was so simple.friends reconciled in a matter of minutes.i laughed n cried wholeheartedly.n no matter what,the people around me were never sad (ok mebbe occasionally when they had 2 scold me 4 spilling drinks or whatever la..) n now that i knw worldly things n have received an education,i seem 2 b a far worse person.haiz oh well
Entry @ 9:03 PM;
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Selfless that's crap
Like a saint on a devil's lap
We proclaim love to be endless
But the depth ends with a new beginning
We claim to never forget
But how many memories are we really keeping
We say forever and always
But part the day after tomorrow
We ask for forgiveness
But soon cause more sorrow
We cry tears of a river
But dry them with the sun
We curse & swear at love lost
But manage to have fun
We show to self-sacrifice
But all we do is cry
We promise our fidelity
But everyday we lie
Love in relationships
Are so profound
Why to we hate the ones
We want to keep around
It's amazing how the great ones
Share their love for the world
When in the common-folk
Love is a whirl
Screw the previous entry,i was crappy,got my results back.sucked 4 my amaths.oh well.if by prelims i dun c an improvement i won take the paper.generally ok 4 the rest.hopefully i'll scrape through if the rest r up 2 my expectations.PLS.haiz.gd thing is this is midyr.heng my mum understands(at least i think she does cuz i didn't really directly tell her.hehe.) muz pia 4 my prelims or im dead.although dun intend 2 go 2 JC,i wanna do well 4 my prelims so that i'll have confidence when i take the Os.bsides,i can always go 2 JC 4 the 1st 3mths 2 c hw life there is like.i nv knew hw i studied previously.i juz did.nw juz nt motivated 2 study.exams arent a gd judge of academic capabilities anywayz.they juz shw hw some ppl can b excellent in mugging.bsides,examiners r human 2 n they have their moods so lets say an examiner marks ur paper on a bad day,do u think ur marks will tend 2wards the higher or lower end?that was rhetorical.
Singapore is a society of muggers.that's a fact.
Where r the thinkers?they r the ones who others think of as weird.Da vinci,edison,einstein,beethovan.ppl saw them as different n shunned them.they were laughed at by peers.but they made a difference in history.
i wont b suprised if kenneth seah becomes some1 influential in the future.
hehe
aft all,ppl said da vinci was crazy.
Entry @ 10:03 PM;
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Nitefall is my enemy
It reopens my old wounds
Nitefall is my saviour
It lets my mind slip away
Nitefall is my detractor
It reminds me of what i shdnt b
Nitefall is my aid
It slowly drains the memories
Nitefall is many things to me
It makes the day seem so easy
Taking advice frm hian to simplify my blog.I guess im tired too.After so long u guys r probably wondering what crap im writing about.the world is a cruel place.if ppl knw that u haf a weakness,they'll exploit it n hurt u.but i knw u guys won ^-^.so ya.dun like to b an open bk.cuz when you're an open bk ur guard's down.n when i let my guard down,ppl will only choose 2 hurt me.haha..i think i wrote something about choices ytd.puzzles me y ppl make they choices they do,dun they think abt the consequences.ever wonder what's like being chewing gum?i knw.the 1st bite is always exciting and enjoyable cuz the taste is juz so rich (or mebbe cuz we like the thrill of eating something banned in Singapore..hehe..) as u chew,the taste fades away.n the person who eats it more often than not juz spits it out in some corner n walks away.im nt blaming ppl 4 being inconsiderate.but pls,wrap everthing up 1st b4 throwing it away.dun leave things 1/2 done n expect things so settle themselves.i bet there muz b some portion of it thats non-biodegradable n takes hundreds of years to decompose.i feel like gum.n so 2 try n decompose,i write.hoping that slowly decomposition will take place as the words come out of my hands(oh n singing,shopping n eating r gd forms of therapy too).im my cheery self in the day cuz im surrounded by ppl n stuff to do n other things that kp my mind bz.but the nites suck.im left 2 my own imagination.hw crappy is that.but the gd thing is even plastic will decompose one day,so i dun believe what i want 2 go away cant.so thats y im optimistic n wait 4 that day 2 arrive.as long as the sun keeps shining i'll keep on smiling ^-^.oh ya n i watched a video ytd that smiling makes ppl look gd..so smile more!!!!!life's 2 short la..besides,there r so many benefits 2 smiling.ppl arnd u r happy,life seems ezier 2 get thru n u dun grow old that fast (as in get wrinkles la).n u nv knw,a smile can make a person's day.there's this lil girl who goes 2 the childcare centre at the void deck of my blk.every morning when i go 2 sch i'll bump into her n she'll always great me with this big bright smile n call "jie jie".n tat smile can kp me happy the entire day.this means that every little thing u do 4 some1 else can make a big difference.i used 2 wish i cld b somebdy else when i was younger cuz i didnt like who i was,i juz felt i was 2 normal.then as i grew older i realised that every1's here 4 a purpose n no matter hw big or small it is.u unknowingly change some1 elses life.4 better or 4 worse is another matter.
The world may mean nth 2 u,but the u may mean sth 2 the world (think butterfly effect)
Entry @ 8:56 PM;
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Decided to put these lyrics on cuz i havent heard it 4 a long time n juz heard it on the radio this morning n realised how nice the lyrics were...
I try by Macy Grey
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But we're not
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feignin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not there
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not there
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll try to keep my cool, but I'm feignin'
Entry @ 5:09 PM;
need a purpose
my soul
is now devoid
empty
a shell
shudder at the thought
becoming
inspirationless
meaningless
existence
I wanna knw why ppl wake up in the morning everyday?of cuz its 4 reasons like the alarm clock ringing, having to go to work/sch, cuz ur body had enough rest etc etc ...... but thats so shallow. the question is what's your reason for waking up each morning?if there's no reason then why do you live?as humans, we have the power of choice. so we tend to make life difficult for ourselves by giving ourselves choices. animals are more often than not happier than we are, simply bcuz they have a standard lifeline to follow. and since as humans we can choose, we're supposed to make the world a better place. but no. cuz ppl make wrong choices. everyday you wake up and c the news. filled with pages and pages of carnage and death. where has the love gone?i can sit here n type all i want about how sad the world is now...but thats all i can do. i do not have the power to change the world, heck i cant even control my own life. but i do know that someday somehow i'll make a difference. n that's my reason for living.
So do you live cuz you're alive or are you alive cuz you live?
Entry @ 2:57 PM;
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Moral conflict
That's it
Don't practice what i preach
Can't help if it equates to bitch
This is how the wind blows
That is how the stream flows
Just a particle in the air
Just a water drop in the sea
What miracles can i do
What good can i bring
This is how society is
Simply conformist
Individuality is curbed
Branded as weird
People come people go
But that's it
Where's the life
Where's the love
Going in a downward spiral
Is the world
Traces of weakness is prevalent
Even in the strongest soul
Any more of society's expectations
Will blur the goal
In a spat of mental confusion
In a pool of emotional turmoil
How do you help victims
When you're one yourself
How can you live with the pain
Why is the world as such
Suffering all around
In our own backyard
Can't wait to escape
Can't wait to run
For they say what you have
Is not want you want
I love what i have
Yet pandemonium resides
My principles are zero
When I'm society's bride
Entry @ 8:43 PM;
Monday, May 10, 2004
Chaos
It lingers in me
My mind confused by reality
Chaos
Its a word I see
Is it coincidence or affinity
Chaos
It changes me
From equilibrium to unsteady
Chaos
Rages a war
In an empty shell of a body
Entry @ 2:16 PM;
dun feel like writing stuff nw n since i can't slp so i'll juz put in a couple of lines of the nice song thats playing
Tell me what I gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do
'Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can't go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
Entry @ 12:17 AM;
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Freaked I am
By a friend
Screamed piercingly
Scared stiff
Insomniac
I will be
Frightened by
My own psychology
Damn uneasy
sigh ...
Entry @ 10:22 PM;
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Begun I have
To defy
My unwillingness
To be a book
Yet surroundings shape
And I take form
Moving onwards
Into yonder
Hopefully positively
Only time will tell
If now is good
And good is now
Entry @ 11:25 PM;
Friday, May 07, 2004